There is more unhappiness, depression, anger, and resentment in unforgiveness, and in the end, it tends to hurt us more. Forgiveness brings some form of healing. As a result of losing my mother at the young age of ten, I have lived the pain. My mother committed suicide and left behind three young children. I had so many unanswered why’s? In my quest to find why’s, I became resentful of my dead mother. I never visited her graveyard; I just didn’t care. I had a belief system ingrained in my brain that she never loved us because if she did love us, she would have thought about her kids before taking her own life. I wouldn’t say I liked Mother’s day and everything to do with Mother’s day. It took me 20 years of crying and having pity parties. Whenever I encountered roadblocks in life, I used to wish I had my mom. I wanted to call and tell her about my experiences. It was a hot mess inside my mind and emotions, yet I looked perfectly normal on the outside. I suffered from depression. My depression was self-created as a result of unforgiveness.
What did I gain from Unforgiveness?
Nothing that I can be proud of. I gained everything negative and toxic out of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness raises stress levels; it is not good for our mental health and overall health. Unforgiveness isolates us from our loved ones. We have all experienced isolation this year because of COVID-19. Now imagine our kids being isolated from the other parent because of unforgiveness from failed marriages or relationships. One cannot enjoy life or holidays with family because we are holding onto what he/she did to us. Our generation has more family dramas. I say this because I often hear people say “I don’t talk to my mother, father, my brother, or sister” The older generation resolved their disagreements by forgiving and just moving on.
I am now a mother of three, and I decided a few years ago that I was going to be the best mom to my kids. I chose to take action by saying no more pity parties. I decided to forgive my mom. The motherhood journey taught me that being a mother was not a walk in the park. Even when you just had stitches from childbirth, you still must nurse your baby. I suffered post-partum depression, which was so bad. I changed my mindset, and I am thankful that my mom did her best in the short life she lived.
I started mind detox by saying no to negative words, negative people, and everything negative around me. Forgiving my dead mom created a new me. I decided to take up a hobby as a writer. I have now successfully self-published best-selling books on Amazon. Had I continued travelling in the fast last to destruction,
I don’t even want to imagine where I would be right now. I wouldn’t be who I am today. A best-selling author, speaker, Guinness World Record, and just recently birthed a publishing house.
There is so much freedom in forgiveness. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with unforgiveness. Be patient with yourself. It takes time, and forgiveness is a form of healing. We all heal at a different pace. It took me twenty years. As long as you are open to forgiving, eventually, you will be free. There are many hurts and trust me, some people who have hurt us do not deserve your forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean we must rekindle the relationships. Forgiveness lets go of the hurt and moving forward with our lives without constantly imposing ourselves. One way I look at it is, I am stressing over someone who is not losing sleep over my feelings. Forgive and let go. If you are a believer, forgive and let God.
Forgiveness creates inner peace; peace brings happiness.
- Create your happiness by having a hobby; find solace in your hobby instead of worrying about people.
- Let go of circles that re-trigger hurtful experiences. Forgive them and love them from a distance.
Get rid of all negativity from your life, including social media. Do not overly share your negative life experiences with those that will repeat and spread gossip; instead, share only the good news. I have seen a tendency in people. They will share bad news like a forest fire, yet the good news is seldom over shared. Join social groups that concern you. There is a group for everyone. There are depression groups, marriage issues groups, money groups on social media, especially Facebook. Find one that suits you. I find these groups to be supportive. I was a volunteer admin for a group of 500k women on Facebook. People spoke about everything and will rant in a secure private group.
Feed your mind positive content only. I often remind my friends and family that you are what you feed your brain. Pay attention to the emotion in your social content as well.
Happiness is an inside job, and it begins with you.
Walk, sleep, focus, and watch comedy.
When faced with bad days, do nothing that can lead to addiction, instead write a journal or take up a free class. Call a good friend.
Stay happy, be you unapologetically, and focus on your newfound happiness. May you excel and be at peace in being free from the bondage of unforgiveness and unhappiness.
Stay happy, my friend, because you deserve it! Forgive more!