We all see those couples on Instagram, in movies, T.V. shows, and in the media with the perfect relationship. These platforms highlight certain aspects of a relationship that give it a “perfect” appearance to the outside world. Everything seems to be flawless, easy-going, and overall just smooth sailing.
That “Perfect” Relationship Picture
Who can blame us? Who wouldn’t want a perfect relationship? A relationship that doesn’t need time and effort to build? Who wants to go through stress and a roller coaster of emotions? If we keep seeing these accounts and couples living these perfect lives, then it becomes more natural to seek that for ourselves.
However, what they sometimes don’t show you is the bad and the ugly. No relationship is perfect. As human beings, we are flawed in different ways but strive to have a sense of perfection with another person in a relationship. If we have role models in social media that portray this perfection, we come to define what a perfect relationship looks like across the board. Thus, we come to internalize images, definitions, and connotations of what a perfect relationship is.
You Won’t Find that “Perfect” Relationship
Sadly, this is not the case for someone or something to be perfect means to be above and beyond the ideal type. Meaning, there are no flaws, defects, or shortcomings as defined by Dictionary.com. No person is perfect, no relationship is perfect, and those images painted by social media are exactly that. Just an image or picture of what they want or choose to show the world. It is just a construction that creates the #RelationshipGoals, #Goals standard when displayed to the world.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years, this November will be 8 years, and let me tell you our relationship is far from perfect. I, too, had ideas of what a “perfect” relationship was supposed to look like. When I started to date my boyfriend, that image of a perfect relationship was shattered. It wasn’t all roses and chocolates, good looking pictures of us always smiling at one another. Why? Because that is not what real life is like.
After all these years, we still have things that need work. We, as individuals, are not perfect beings. I have my flaws, he has his flaws, but we see and accept them for what they are. Has our relationship gotten better throughout the years?
Absolutely! we’ve come such a long way, and we’ve seen each other grow and mature from late teens into adults. But do we still need to work on our relationship? Of course, we do!
Even in the early stages of our relationship, I came to terms with the fact that our relationship wasn’t going to be that of couples on Instagram or on T.V. Like I said, I thought our relationship was going to be ‘perfect”. But the more I struggled to achieve true perfection, the more frustrated, depressed, and low. I became because my partner, our relationship, wasn’t living up to the standards. And you know what? Once I realized that our relationship wasn’t going to be perfect, that my boyfriend wasn’t perfect, that’s when the true connection, growth, and love started. I guess that worked considering seven almost eight years later we’re still together.
You are going to have your up days and down days. You are going to be angry, upset, and frustrated with each other. Both of you are going into that relationship with unique experiences, pasts, and flaws. Even under the best of circumstances being in a relationship with someone is hard! It’s not going to be perfect, not now and not ever.
But you know what? That’s ok. As I said, no one is perfect and expects perfection from that other person, and the relationship as a whole will set you on a course for failure. Your expectations will never be met, desires never fulfilled, because to you, the relationship and your partner will never be that perfect idea you thought it would be.
Relationships, and people as well, take time to lay out the foundation, progress and grow through trial and error. There will ALWAYS be things that need to be worked on in a relationship, and it is best to stick that in your head from the beginning. A relationship will never attain that state of perfection, and any relationship you see that looks “perfect” is just an illusion of perfection.
By realizing that there will be faults, flaws, problems in your relationship, that is the first step in breaking down that “perfect” image and re-building an image of what true relationships are. That is, beautifully imperfect.
It’s all about becoming comfortable with the discomfort the comes with a relationship. It’s about making peace with the fact that having imperfections, learning to accept them, and working on them as a couple strengthens the bond between them. Although true perfection will not be achieved, you’ll be able to grow and become better versions of yourselves to have a relationship that can withstand obstacles.