Ladies, beware of the dating scene online. There are some traps that men set that can harm your life. You need to know how to avoid those. While you don’t want to be overcautious, you do want to be careful. Here are some tips that can help protect you from falling into the traps of the man that is trouble online.
Tip one is to watch for respect. Remember, when your respected elder told you that “people that care about you will respect you?” Remember that as tip one. If the man that you email and chat with is ever disrespectful, immediately report it to the site and never contact him again. Block him and avoid any further issue. That way, you will remain safe. If the site fails to recognize abusive behaviour, then cancel your subscription and find a better site. Don’t fall prey to the public online community of thieves and cons that use gas lighting to pressure you into cooperation.
Whatever you do, do not fall for the trap that men that are trouble set for you: “you need to prove that you are real.” This is a scam that I fell for at the hands of a man that ended up being a person that most would normally think very highly of. It turned out that he was a con artist of the worst sort. At his hands, I suffered from – verbal abuse, emotional abuse, gas lighting, and extortion. When I finally rid my life of the man, he continued to use gas lighting to try still to ruin my life. I should never have allowed any further contact from him after the first insult that I didn’t even recognize. If you ask yourself how that could happen, or think that it couldn’t happen to you, then think again. It can and will if you don’t have your guard up. My former boyfriend demanded my social security number, license number, and a view of it to “prove” who I was. If I had known that a person could abuse his power, I wouldn’t have trusted him ever. He said, “You never know who a person is online.” Boy, it sure is ironic in the aftermath. When you grow up protected, you might not catch this one. Know it before you start to date online.
Watch for rude or flippant comments while you are chatting through the site. Direct “jokes” about women are one of the first signs of an abusive person. Some-warning signs would be like this. Say you and the man are emailing back and forth. The discussion of their last relationship comes up, or how do they prepare the gifts of Valentine’s Day for their last girlfriends. Make sure to ask the guy about that before you go out. This is why: The man might say that his last girlfriend or wife was a nut job. While this might be a fact, it doesn’t speak well of a person to say that on the first discussion of the matter. Think about it. This is the man’s first chance to put his best foot forward. The next step, he will drop the kind act and show his true colors. If a guy is saying that his former girlfriend or wife was a nut job now, what is he going to say later when his guard is down?
Never give your phone number or private email to these guys. Believe me that is a mistake. If the guy is trouble, he now has the information that he needs to harm your online life and worse. I fell for this one too. That same man is still using gas lighting with my former email and information to harass me. Granted, he was a severe convicted sadist, but it is always best to take precautions. Many dating sites will even tell you to be careful with this. I gave my email to the guy because I figured it was harmless. Trust me when I say that the man that is trouble will use anything that he can to get revenge. Even if you are simply saying “no” the man that is trouble will not respect this. Boundaries do not exist with these men. They are criminal in nature and use white-collar crimes to get revenge against you. To avoid the man that is trouble by keeping your phone and email hidden and private until you can be sure that there is less risk. There is a time to share that information but follow these tips first to protect yourself before you trust that online man. Note also, that lie detector tests can be quickly passed by any pathological liar. Nothing can predict a person better than the warnings here.
Don’t be so forthcoming and agreeable. When it comes time to meet, choose some reason that causes the man to have to give a bit. See how he handles it via email on the site. If he is demanding and insulting, then you know that it is best to avoid him. Men that are trouble cannot go with the flow. Respect is the name of the game, and he is failing to show it to you. Take that as a gift of knowledge and learn from my previous experiences with these types of men. If you find that he is failing this point then politely tell him that you feel that you are not right for each other. These men that are trouble and abusive to women have typically had an abusive mother in the past. Sometimes, it’s just that they are socially unable to cope and need some help, but that is not your problem to solve. If you are empathetic at all, be very cautious. These types of men can be really lethal in person. Avoid that now before it is too late. Let the professionals explain to these men why “they can’t get a date, or the women never want to meet.”
If you have reached the point where you have exchanged information and have decided to meet, then make sure that you meet in a very public place and park your car where he can not see it. Your license plate on your vehicle, especially if you date a crafty person as I did, can give a lot of information about your life. Most people cannot find this information, but people who use gas lighting as a form of control over their victims can get this information. Just take it from me that you need to take this precaution first until you get to know the guy. Also, make sure to not reveal your home address until much later. Meet in person and drive yourself to have your first dates. Get to know the guy first before giving him any of that information. Remember ladies; it is none of his business. Don’t fall for their attempts at the violation of your privacy. Even if you want a fling, keep it distant until you know the person can be trusted.
Any violation means stop. If you say no, then he needs to respect it. If at any time, your date becomes insulting or abusive, then stop the conversation like this. Ask the person if they are saying what you think they said that is offensive and potentially a form of verbal assault. Once they clarify that they meant the abusive language then calmly excuse your self and walk away. If that happens while you are online, then politely explain why you are cutting off the contact. Then block them and report the behaviour. Any site worth their money is going to take accountability for their client’s response at some level.
Ladies remember that you deserve to be treated with respect. If the man is disrespectful now, then what will he do later when he is letting his true self come out? Learn from my experience and beware of the online dating scene by following these seven tips or traps to avoid when dating online.