how to deal with lie in marriage

Chapter 3: Love VS Lies: Who Plays A Bigger Role In Marriage?

Marriage

Marriage can be an incredible empire, but when troubles erupt, it can also be an intense battlefield for conflicts—often bringing to light the many complexities that can either damage a union or strengthen it. Some couples can tolerate the little lies, but what about the more significant lies we can handle?

Should we summon the troops or lay them all down at the round table? Wars are fought by jealous adversaries who want to win at all costs, but jealously in a marriage can bring an overwhelming feeling of rejection, a battle in which no one wins. When finding comfort elsewhere leads to a rival, confidence is broken, which may never be mended.

Can we learn to forgive, or is dissolution the only solution? If love is a conqueror, then we must learn our weapons, wear our armor proudly, and prepare to fight the good fight, the only path to victory. 

In the land of matrimony, the tiny lies usually do not matter. The insignificant truth could be omitted from the transcripts. Switching one time for another, and erasing faces from places. Nobody tells, nobody gets hurt. Deep down, we know someone becomes left out and devalued in the process. 

  • Lies that exclude the truth is when you have something to hide, more severe and potentially lethal. Maybe you forgot to refer to a person you were with or what was mentioned in a conversation. These lies can justify the grounds for an invasion. Not letting your partner know everything can put them at an emotional risk they had no idea was there. So, ask yourself if it is for their benefit or yours? 
  • In the trenches with lies that cover lies. It is more than just a character flaw when you are in over your head. This is especially true when a person or place is named after numbers, like the number of times you covered up a secret. Out to dinner with a group as opposed to party for two. The violations for distrust unpredictably stack up, anticipating a significant tumble.
  • How to get through the lies. The things that need to be said eventually will be, but deciding how can make all the difference. There is always a before because what happens after can be too late to change. Set the lines for communication even amid the camouflage of truth. Keep the serious stuff exposed, often the things we must hide reveal more about our situations then we are willing to admit.   

In the realm of being human, jealously is inevitable. At any time in our life, it comes on as the fear of competition, position, or value. Then we feel our other halves must abandon one for the other. It is only a threat when your self-confidence is stumbling on obstacles that are not there, so make sure you are going to battle for the right reasons.

  • If you must Imagine it, it does not exist. Jealously is not for the weak at heart but can stir one up. A passion of that spirit can be sexy; it lets your spouse know the focus is still on them. Quickly carried away by your obsessions are sure to make them oppressions.  
  • Real jealously cannot be taken in stride. Having feelings of ownership over someone’s freedoms can often lead to abusive circumstances. While deliberately flirting with a hostile environment is not wise either. The penalties for offensive behaviors are not worth the score. In the end, that kind of protective manner or fickle partner is a red flag. 
  • Fighting jealously and knowing the limitations. When negativity and self-esteem play a big role in your surroundings, you are allowing emotions to gain distance from understanding. Find ways to show your partner is special, even if you have a friendly connection with someone else. Attention is welcomed but not at the cost of overlooking your crucial role as the king or queen of your empire.  

Defeating the king of immorality when you are the queen of hearts. Can love win over the loss of trust? A cheating battle is more than what meets the eye of the flesh; it can take quite an emotional toll.  

  • Physical attraction is normal. Like Al Pacino says in the movie, the Devil’s Advocate: “Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, but don’t swallow.”[1] What happens when you take a little, you always want a little more. Maybe you will never be fulfilled, and it may have nothing to do with your partner. Sex sometimes is just that, even when there is love in the picture. Respect and trust can be easily overruled by lust when you do not have your priorities in order.
  • The emotional lure can be a silent killer. That dynamic connection between two people is hard to find, so when that happens unexpectedly, it can make others feel inadequate. As a form of infidelity, it can lead you further astray. Once an emotional context is established, the physical one is not too far behind.  
  • The pursuit of understanding. Was it really about sex, power, or attention? Could it be something we learned or did not recognize as wrong in our early years? Examine the actions and ask your mate if love is strong enough to keep the relationship together. 

Unite in forgiveness. Can you play the fool and be able to pardon your partner? If love plays the biggest part in a union, then humility is near. Having the compassion to give second chances is not necessarily looking in the other direction even when certain acts seem irrational.

  • An insult for insult is terrible revenge. Do not repay someone with the same hurts. A termination is better than retaliation. If anger is that strong, it overpowers love.
  • Having a sensible attitude amongst the risks. Overlooking indiscretions can be difficult, especially when worrying if your spouse will wander again. We must learn to keep minds from doubt and give out boundaries of trust. Starting small can end with good outcomes.  
  • Forget when you forgive. It is not memory loss, but it can be a form of a blackout. Something did take place, but for the life of both of you, do not remember. Forgiveness is a compelling move forward. You will know what is more important in the end, the pride of self, or passion for your significant other. 

Once the war is over, things may never be the same, or maybe they can be better. Wake-up calls can be infuriating, but opening your eyes can be a breakthrough to a new world of prospects. Maybe you are not soulmates, or perhaps they matter more than you realize. Oscar Wilde once said, “Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.” [1] Although it is better for marriage when we remember our partners, respect their feelings, and realize the balance of love.

[1]Quotes : By Golden Press New York 1968

Angela Parish
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