How many times do we say things and really can’t define the meaning of what we are saying? Think about it….you tell your significant other that you feel you are growing apart because things aren’t the same. You may also find yourself blaming the one you love for your unhappiness. What does that mean? Do you ever stop to define the thoughts guiding your emotions? Often we say what we feel without understanding what we mean.
Emotions vs. Thoughts
Everyone has experienced extreme emotional responses to shocking situations. It is easy to identify your feelings, but not completely understand the message behind them.
For example, you may feel intense anger because your spouse lied to you. However, you may also feel a load of other emotions that intensify the anger. This anger is further increased when you begin to dwell on the hurt without understanding the meaning of why it hurts so bad.
Emotional minds make it a challenge to rightly divide the truth. You know what you feel, but what thought is driving that emotion? Slow it down and take time to identify the thought and not the feeling alone.
How to be More Thoughtful?
If you feel that you are unhappy in your relationship, are you really unhappy with the person or certain circumstances? Specify what is causing the unhappiness. What are they doing that makes you unhappy, or is it everything they do?
When our emotions lead us, we tend to overgeneralize, and we make something greater than it seems. In Cognitive Processing Therapy, we call this erroneous thinking patterns. People that have erroneous thinking patterns tend to magnify or minimize situations to fit their accommodating beliefs. You can structure your fiction into reality.
Signs Your Emotions are Unrestrained
Think about the last time you reacted without thinking. Did it make you feel better and get the answers you needed to resolve the problem? When emotions have a quick draw reaction, we typically say or do regretful things. Your emotions should never be a dagger than intensifies pain regardless of how bad you hurt. Hurting someone because you hurt doesn’t improve your situation. It only keeps you stuck and pushes the other person away.
Another sign that your emotions are out of control when you respond violently. Being mad doesn’t mean you have the authority to put your hands on someone. Their action may have hurt you, but it didn’t physically harm you. Throwing things because your expectations were failed should never resort to physical violence. If you are a victim of physical abuse, you should immediately seek help from your local domestic violence program.
The Benefits of Balancing Your Thoughts and Emotions
When you are real with your truth, you learn how to assess if your feelings are natural or manufactured. Is it natural to be upset if your spouse returns home late from work without calling? Maybe, if they committed to be home at a certain time. Is it natural to assume they were out with another woman?
Maybe, if they have a history of cheating, if there are no identifiable signs of mistrust, why assume? Your perception will always guide your emotions. This is why it is critical to stop and think before you allow yourself to take an emotional roller coaster ride.
Check the facts and allow the benefit of the doubt until you have evidence that proves something different. Why allow worry to rob another moment of your time? You can never recoup time; it’s lost forever.