For many women, fighting with their significant others is a regular occurrence, and it’s no mean feat to deal with. Sadly, there isn’t any easy way to deal with this problem, and no solution will work overnight. You both have to spend time working on an answer to your issues, and both of you will need to make compromises.
When you’re with your partner, you want to feel happy and positive, but frequent fighting results in defensiveness and bottled-up anger that can destroy your relationship. If your boyfriend is always picking arguments with you, your partnership is sure to be in an ongoing downward spiral, with the hurt that the arguments are causing preventing you from reaching out to each other, making peace, and cementing the positive side of your relationship.
With this in mind, here are a few practical tips that will point you in the right direction to help you deal with those constant fights.
1. Stop Swearing
Arguing is normal in every relationship, but if you’re using profanities and swear words, you’ll just be aggravating the situation. Everyone from time to time calls their partner names and uses harsh language, but when you do this, those words will eventually start to stick and cause erosion of the feelings between you. Make a pact that both of you will stop swearing during arguments, and this can help to diffuse the ongoing tension.
2. Reminisce About The Good Times
If you’re always focusing on the fights of today, you can’t move on to a happier future. Take some time together to reminisce about when you were first together and the sweet things you did for each other in the earliest stages of your relationship. Look at all photos and talk about the old times, and you can rekindle the spark that ignited your romance in the first place. With loving, warm thoughts about each other, it’s harder to start a fight.
3. Avoid Getting Defensive
It’s only natural to become defensive straight away if you’re accused of something, but before you do, stop and think objectively about the situation. Does your partner have a point? Have you actually done something that justifies their anger? If you have, you should just apologize right away. Your partner’s feelings are valid too, and they may have a good right to feel upset. If you believe that their anger isn’t justified, don’t jump down their throat immediately. Instead, explain calmly what you feel and why you did what you did. Helping your boyfriend to understand while still acknowledging their hurt can help to calm an angry situation down effectively.
4. Take Time Out
In the middle of an argument, it can be hard to stop fighting and just walk away, but sometimes that’s what it takes to defuse the emotional stress. Take time out away from each other. Go into separate rooms and relax with a book or by watching TV. When you feel calmer, you can go back and start talking to each other again. Once you’re out of the immediate danger of the situation, it’s easier to discuss everything with a level head.
5. Spend Time Apart
If taking a short time outbreak doesn’t help, you might want to consider spending a few days apart. This will help you to review your relationship more objectively. Do you really want to be together? Often, a bit of distance can be all it takes to make you put more effort into working problems out. If you’re missing each other and still want to pursue your relationship after a couple of days alone, you will be in a better frame of mind to get to the bottom of your issues and to work on putting them right. Some professional relationship counseling may help you to pinpoint the causes of your fights and point you towards solutions that work for both of you.
7. Disagreements Are Normal
Every couple has disagreements – that’s just a fact of life when you’re in a relationship. When you’re close to somebody, the chances are that you’ll eventually irritate each other. It can be difficult to mesh together two person’s styles, needs, and preferences, but you have to be accepting of the fact that your partner isn’t the same as you and has their own requirements that are equally valid.
If you look at your own relationship and compare it with your friend’s, you may be worried that you fight so much more than they do. However, it’s important to remember that some couples argue more than others, and that doesn’t mean there’s a serious problem with their relationship. It isn’t so much the fighting but how you resolve the disagreements that matter.
On the other side, though, you need to be aware that if you’re constantly repeating the same argument, you need to look carefully at why it’s happening. If at the end of the day, it’s something that neither of you can compromise on, you may need to eventually part ways.