The things women find attractive and sexy in men, such as strength, style, financial success, and good kissing, have a lot more to do with how they make us feel than simply aesthetics.
Quite often, on dating profiles, men inadvertently misrepresent themselves, and I’ve gone on countless dates with someone who was just okay in their profile, only to find them to be far more attractive once we meet in-person.
So what do women find most attractive and sexy about men? It comes down to a few core qualities.
Bravery is sexy
Ever come across a dating profile photo in which the suitor is flipping off the camera? Me too, and I have to imagine men are trying to show off how big, scary, and badass they are, and while it’s a turn-off in that form, they’re not entirely out of line. Women often report they want to feel taken care of, cherished, and protected, and men should look for ways to show off their toughness in their profile without flipping us the bird or showing us a recent black eye. For instance, when men showcase a hobby like skydiving or skillset like sailing, it shows us they are brave, skilled and even offers a hint of valor. Endlessly sexy.
Great style means he has self-confidence
I once dated a guy who was handsome like a Ken doll but had no idea how to dress himself, and it was such a turn-off. “A personal sense of style shows self-confidence,” says Alison, a single 30-something in San Diego. “I’m drawn to a man whose attire is well thought out, whether it’s for a date or to go to the post office.” The dignity of a nice outfit communicates to women and to the world at large that this man intends to be taken seriously.
Ambition illustrates passion
Whether it’s financially motivated, simply their ego, or something else, women lust after ambitious men because it highlights a zeal to make something of themselves. When a man approaches his career with the drive, he’s much more likely to achieve it, and we all want to be with someone who’s successful at whatever it is they pursue. I went out with a 40-something guy in New York once who said he worked in HR but hated it and was about to quit to pursue standup comedy. He didn’t make me laugh once during the date, and that kind of haphazard juggling of one’s professional future made me doubt he was very good at anything he sought to do. I bounced after one drink and unmatched him quickly.
Independence is alluring
Heads will always turn for great style and professional ambition, but if he’s obsessed with his new lady friend and has nothing else going on socially, women tend to balk. A man who has lots of friends and hobbies has cool sexy things to introduce us to and keep us entertained on dates. When a man makes it clear that he has intact independence, women can relax, knowing they’re not taking on a project or getting put in charge of someone’s social calendar. This is particularly important to professionally successful women who want to relax and have fun after work, not plan out dates or fun things to do with their man.
A good first kiss is a good sign for the boudoir.
Imagine meeting the love of your life only to end the date smooching a dead fish. Bad kissers can vary from too much or too little tongue, poor placement, or even aggression, but the thing that makes a mismatched kiss a dealbreaker is it’s an indicator that the man doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to meet your kissing style where it is, and adjust accordingly. A good kiss, on the other hand, is the kind of heart-pounding clarity you need to imagine taking the next steps with someone who knows exactly what he’s doing.