Saturday, January 22, 2022

55+ Best Relationship Jokes Which Every Couple Will Adore

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Relationships are beautiful when you share a healthy bond with your better half. Even the silliest moments bring happiness when you are with your loved one. 

Do you know what the best part of a relationship is? Companionship. When nothing is awkward between you two. And, of course, pulling each other’s legs makes it more fun.

To add enjoyment to your lives, here are some relationship jokes that will make you laugh, and you will definitely relate to these jokes. 

  • My boyfriend asked to play doctor. I kept him waiting outside the bedroom door for an hour.
  • Losing a significant other can be hard. In some cases, it’s impossible.
  • Kid: “I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until they get married.” Dad: “That’s true everywhere, son.”
  • My son asked me what it was like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did; I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  • Have you seen the new divorced Barbie? She comes with all of Ken’s stuff.
  • A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
  • Last night my girlfriend told me that I had the body of a god. I was afraid to ask which one, but I’m pretty sure that God was Buddha.
  • Fall in love and marry an archaeologist! Why? Because they will be more interested and they will love you more the older you get!
  •  I had a one night stand last year that went horribly wrong. We’re married now.
  • I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week. When it was over, he said, “We got along really well there for a while!”
  • Of course, you know that four plus four equals eight. But did you know that you plus me equals FATE?
  •  I got my partner a better card. They’re not sick or anything, but they could definitely get better.
  •  I never knew true happiness until I got married. Then, it was too late.
  • One easy way to lose a fight with your wife: Argue.
Relationship Jokes
  • You can fall with anyone except for a patissier. Do you know why? Because they’ll dessert you! 
  • Getting married is a lot like going out to eat with friends.
  • You order what you want but, when you see what someone else has, you want that instead.
  • I told my girlfriend that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  • Had a nice long chat with my husband today after our WI-FI went down. He seems like a nice guy.
  •  My girlfriend told me I ruined her birthday. I’m not sure how I did that when I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
  • We were at a wedding recently and my husband tried his hand at being romantic. As the music swelled, he leaned over and whispered, “You’re more beautiful than half the women here.”

Best Couples Jokes

  • Marriage is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill, but not doing it because you’d miss them
  • My wife is definitely a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. A lonely man placed an ad in the paper. “Wanted: A wife.” Within a week, he’d received hundreds of replies. They were all the same: “You can have mine.”
  • A man, shocked by his friend’s appearance, asked, “How long have you been wearing a bra?” His friend answered, “Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
  • Which one of mychildren will never grow up and move out?”. And when he asked not having any clue, then I say “My Husband”. He literally laughed outloud when he first heard of this.
  • What’s behindevery strong beautiful woman?” I say a man, which I think is the right answer. But he gets back at melike “Nah. Accident she done doing hermake-up.” On-point!

Being in a relationship is the happiest feeling of everyone’s life. No relationship is perfect; both partners need to give equal time and effort to work. Going through fights and understanding are the basic stages of the relationship. 

True, maintaining a relationship is a roller coaster ride. But, you just have to enjoy the best moments and sail through the tough times. However, arguments may drain you emotionally. But, once you get over those things, all those fights sound funny and primarily groundless.

So here are some quotes to add laughter to your lives. Do not forget to share it with your partners.

Funny Relationship Jokes

Relationship Jokes
  • I’ve been married for 25 years now and it takes a lot of dedication to have sex with the same person all that time. I don’t know how my husband manages to do it.
  • Husband to wife: Today is a fine day.
    • The next day he says: Today is a fine day.
    • Again next day, he says the same thing: Today is a fine day.
    • Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband: Since one week, you are saying this ‘Today is a fine day. I am fed up. What’s the matter?
    • Husband: Last week, when we had an argument, you said, ‘I will leave you one fine day.’ I was just trying to remind you.
  • Wife: “Do you want dinner?” Husband: “I don’t know. What are my choices?” Wife: “Yes or no.”
  • What do wives and bacon have in common? A lot, actually. They both look, smell, and taste great. Plus, they’re both slowly killing you.
  • Listening to your girlfriend talk about makeup and fashion is like reading terms and conditions. You understand nothing but always say “I agree”.
  • Have you heard of the near-sighted porcupine? He fell in love with  a pincushion.
  • I never knew true happiness until I got married. Then, it was too late.
  • My wife is unmistakably a sexual object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
  • What are the similarities between wives and bacon? Actually, quite a bit. They look, smell, and taste fantastic. Plus, they’re both killing you slowly.
  • I asked my wife which part of my body she liked: my face or my physique? “Your good sense of humor,” she said.
  • Once, a group of people, mostly husbands and wives, were on a crocodile safari adventure. While on the middle of the river where a lot of crocodile live, the moderator said “I will give $30,000 to anyone who jumps on this river now and successfully makes it to the shore without dying.” At first, nobody was moving. Then suddenly, a man jumped out and swam across the river while the crocodiles are chasing him. He made it out alive and won the money. When they went back to the hotel, the manager applauded him for being brave and jumping out of the boat. The man said, “I did not jump! Somebody pushed me!”. To which his wife laughed. Moral of the story: Behind every successful man, is a woman. 
best relationship jokes
  • What does it mean when your guy calls you “honey”? It means he does not remember your name!
  • Two men have been living together as partners for many years. One goes into the bathroom, then immediately yells out to the other, “Hey, who left the toilet seat down?”
  • At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
  • A couple were having dinner at a restaurant. After the food arrives at the table the Husband gets ready to dig in. The wife says “honey, wait, you always say a prayer before eating a meal at home” ..The husband says ” yes dear, that’s because we are at home..
  • My husband got a new job, and it was so hectic he would work 15 hours a day. However, he ordered me flowers for Valentine’s Day but couldn’t figure out a sweet endearment to write on the card. So he started thinking about his work again and wrote, “Roses are red, violets are blue. If I weren’t thinking of you, I’d probably be through.
  • When your spouse gets a little upset, just remember a simple “calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get them a lot more upset.

The Most Hilarious Relationship Jokes

  • Women have considerably more fecal bacteria on their palms than males, according to studies. This is due to the fact that they frequently excavate trash from the past.
  • Judge: What were you thinking when you smacked your husband with a chair? Wife: The table was too heavy.
  • I don’t know your name yet, but I think it’s Wi-Fi because I’m feeling so connected here.
  • For her birthday, I gave my ex-girlfriend a mood ring. It becomes blue when she is joyful. A big red circle appears on my face when she is upset.
  • On a roof, two antennas met, fell in love, and married. The ceremony was short and sweet, but the reception was fantastic!
  • What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?
  • Marriage is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill. But not doing it because you’d miss them.
  • I know of no one who is happily married. Except for my husband.
  • Marriage: Bet someone half of your earthly possessions that you’ll love them forever.
  • I bought my ex-girlfriend a mood ring for her birthday. When she’s happy, it turns blue. When she’s angry, it leaves a big red circle on my face.
  • An old man is lying in bed, he only has a day or two left. He wakes up to the smell of his favorite thing in the world, chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen. So he musters all his energy and pulls himself out of bed and then drags himself down to the kitchen because he can no longer walk. He makes his way into the kitchen and using the last of his strength he reaches for the plate of cookies on the counter and just as he is about to grab one of his prizes his wife slaps his hand away and says “Don’t eat those cookies they’re for the funeral!
  • Wife: “How would you describe me?”
    • Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
    • Wife: “What does that mean?”
    • Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
    • Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
    • Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
  • Angry with someone? Think before you talk. If the person reports to you, count to 10 then talk. If the person is the same level, count to 30 then talk. If the person is your boss, count to 50 then talk. If the person is your wife, keep counting and don’t talk. If the person is your husband, keep talking and don’t count.
  • Husband and wife are drinking wine at home. The wife says “I love you”. The husband says “Is that you or the wine talking?” The wife says “It’s me talking to the wine”.
  • My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  • A woman says to a friend, “My husband is on a three-week diet.” “Oh, yeah? How much has he lost so far?” asks her friend. She replies, “Two weeks.”

Relationship Jokes For Lovers

  • If love is grand, what’s a divorce? A: a hundred grand more.
  • Knock knock knock. Who is there? A: Olive. B: Olive who? A: Olive you so much.
  • My girlfriend asked me if I ever wanted to get married. Apparently, “When I meet the right girl,” was the wrong answer.
  • My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other. So, now it’s just a waiting game.
  • I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm. She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work.
  • Me singing: somebody’s son will love me one day…
    • My mom replied: somebody’s son already loves me.
  • They say when you get married, you actually get three rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
  • They say when you get married, you actually get three rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
  • What’s the difference between love and marriage? Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • What do a tornado and marriage have in common? In the beginning, there’s a lot of blowing and sucking. In the end, someone is left without a house.
  • What is the difference between husband and wife? A: Husbands cook and wives clean up.
  • What’s the difference between love and marriage? A: Marriage is a lot of work, but love never works.
  • What’s the difference between a “real” man and a “real” woman? A: Real men know there are no lights on in their partner’s bedroom late at night.
  • Why did the husband go to the beauty shop? A: He wanted a refund.
  • Why does a man look for an attractive woman every week?  A: He figures he can support her for 49 weeks and still have 23 dollars in his pocket.
Which is the best relationship in the world?
  •  Women fake orgasms. Men fake whole relationships. My girlfriend is really starting to annoy me lately. I took her out to dinner last night, and she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. The double Whopper with cheese.
  • I can remember when I got married and I can remember where I got married. For the life of me, I can’t remember why I got married.
  • Our marriage counsellor suggested we try some role reversal in bed. Tonight when my wife came in, I told her I had a headache.
  • A senior couple is in the living room watching TV.
    • He: “Honey, let’s go upstairs and make love…”
    • She: “I can only do one or the other. Take your pick.”
  • My husband and I had a blissful first 25 years. And then we met and got married.
  • If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married, you can’t even change the television channel.
  • A man is incomplete until he’s married.
    • Then he’s finished.
  • A lonely man placed an ad in the paper.
    • “Wanted: A wife.”
    • Within a week, he’d received hundreds of replies.
    • They were all the same: “You can have mine.”
  • I know of no one who is happily married.
    • Except my husband.
  • My girlfriend asked me if I ever wanted to get married.
    • Apparently, “When I meet the right girl,” was the wrong answer.
  • A man and a woman are sitting at a table.
    • The woman is lying down and the man is standing over her. The man says “Crap.”
    • The woman says “What’s wrong?”
    • The man says “Well, there’s good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”
    • The woman says, “Tell me the good news.”
    • The man says, “I stole your heart.”
    • “Aw that’s cute,” the woman says. “But what’s the bad news?”
    • “I forgot to put another one in.” The man says as he holds up the freshly beating heart.

I hope these relationship quotes made you laugh and took you down memory lane, reminding you of all those funny moments you shared with your partner.

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