In these modern times, a great deal of industry is moving towards the online market and dating is no exception. Online dating has been on the rise. Bumble saw an increase up to 30% of sent messages since 2020 & Tinder had an increase of sent messages up to 15% last year.
However, there are things to consider with online dating. Especially if you are recently single or divorced and perhaps the last time you were single was before the age of social media, then yes time has changed. There are many pitfalls to consider and I think one of the biggest problems with online dating is, that it is too easy to “move” on. Besides, can the thought that there might be someone a little bit better with the next swipe can take over.
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Let’s take Tinder, for example, you are swiping all these individuals, and when you get a match your reward system in the brain likely gets activated. The brain´s reward system gest activated through feelings of pleasure like when we eat good food when we are in love or even when we gamble. Why is this no different? You get a pleasant feeling when you swipe & it accompanies by a match, at least in the beginning.
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Another pitfall with online dating is it can be very overwhelming when there are too many choices. Research has shown that too many choices can make us confused & despite you make a choice you could still be sitting & thinking that maybe the other choice was better?
With that said, let’s take a look at 5 things you have to consider when it comes down to online dating.
1. Swiping as an addiction:
A client told me that she is swiping only to get matches but has less interest in actually engaging with her matches. Therefore the swiping has become addictive with the sole purpose of getting matches. Another client told me that she was swiping for hours when she started Tinder for the first time. Therefore be aware of how addictive it can be in the beginning.
2. Be skeptical about too good pictures:
Sorry to say it but if the pictures are very good won’t be afraid to ask about the pictures. Way too many have old pictures that don’t exactly match up with the current reality. You don’t want to be wasting your time. Writing for a long period, and engaging with the person if the person looks very different from what made you attractive to the person. You are mostly judging a person from a picture so if the person is very different from the pictures you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
3. Say what you want:
If you are looking for something serious don’t be afraid to express it. I had been encouraging one of my clients to say it for a long time and finally, when she had the guts to say it, believe me, it saved her a lot of time and energy. She even got a couple of unmatches because many of the guys were only looking for sex.
4. Social media:
If the guy wants to add you on Snapchat he is probably not going to use it to discuss climate change. Be ready to receive some nude pictures or even videos! Things progress very sexually there & very fast. Instagram & Facebook is a bit different, it is a bit more “normal” there.
5. Multi dating vs. Single dating:
Are you the type who likes to focus on one person at a time or you want to multi-date and quickly find out what suits you? If you want to focus on one person at a time, make sure that the other person is on the same page as you. Because many like to see various people at the same time and if you are not there chances are you are going to get hurt. There is nothing wrong with asking before you become too invested.
With that said times have changed dramatically within the dating area due to an increase in the usage of social media. There are also huge differences between generations. The young millennials have told me several times that there are too many dating games that are hard to follow up on. They are sick of these games but still play along.
Try not to engage in these games like, ghosting, breadcrumbing, or watching you on social media but not texting. It is so easy to just ghost people today since the communications are often on social media. Before the times of social media, you would just call a person & arrange to see each other.
Now there is such easy access to reach a person, but still so hard to get in contact sometimes. If you are born in the 1960 or 1970 yes you will probably get a phone call from the guy but the young millennials, hardly use the phone for actually calling someone when in the beginning stage of dating.