They say the way we talk to ourselves is just a combination of the people and experiences we have been around, creating our unique stream of consciousness.
Suppose you’re anything like me, your childhood, schooling, and dating as a young female, resulting in a dangerous self-perception that you were not good enough and had to continually lose weight and dress to be admired. We have trained from a young age that our bodies are a resource for men/people and for society – a commodity if you will.
I was one of two middle-eastern girls in a completely white neighborhood growing up, so my example of beauty, attractiveness, and what boys liked was blonde and thin (they’re just one type of a whole rainbow!). I was neither of these things, and it ate at me for years.
Entering the music industry out of school, I genuinely believed I couldn’t be successful until I was slimmer. It was part of my core belief, and I had to completely override it to really start making music that was honest. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything, but I hope these words leave you with some peace.
After spending the first decade of my adult life torturing myself over everything I was not and trying to reach unattainable standards of beauty, I was so exhausted, defeated, and sick that I knew something had to change. When we see ourselves for who we actually are, that is when we can embrace who we are and, dare I say it – even love what you see. So what the hell does that mean anyway?
Be as kind to yourself as you are to your friends
That beautiful and kind advice you give to your friends needs to be shared with yourself. You see your friends as humans who have ups and downs. You do not expect them to act like robots, absolutely perfect seven days a week who stick to the same regimen. Also, you tell them they’re doing an amazing job, trying their hardest, that it is okay to rest, that they shouldn’t be so hard on themselves.
So please take this on board when you start beating yourself up for not sticking to a routine. You are a human being pulled in every direction, dealing with responsibility, sleep patterns, finances, a home, and freakin’ hormones.
We aren’t meant to all look like Kim Kardashian
You’ve probably all seen the meme that says, “You aren’t ugly, you’re just poor”? Weeeeeell, this isn’t to highlight you’re ugly (you aren’t.); It is to highlight the fact that people with endless riches can live with a make-up artist, surgeon, photo air-brusher, and personal stylist on hand at all times. As exhausting as that sounds, they’re the ones with the beauty brands telling the world what they deem is beautiful.
Beauty is universal, but there is not just one kind. Beauty is about what makes you unique and different. It is about spirit and kindness. If you ever noticed how once you know someone’s character, they instantly become less or more attractive? You see them in the light of their spirit, not the light of an Instagram filter.
You are so much more than your looks anyway.
Something that took me a long time to even process was the fact that our value as a person is not the sum of our physical beauty. I read once that the most creative people are the ones who wear the same bland clothes every day. Because they aren’t placing value on the outside, their creativity is cultivated inside, and they get to deeper levels of flow quicker. Even if it is just a theory, I like this idea because it reminds me that what I create needs to be more than surface deep to really connect.
Stop comparing yourself girl
You’ve heard it before, but what does it actually mean? Of course, you can improve on yourself if you want to, but there is no point aspiring to be a thin-boned tall blonde when you’re a short, curvy (amazing) brunette. Admire and celebrate whoever you want, but don’t live in a counter-productive state that will get you nowhere.
Instead, look at other women who are celebrating themselves because they reflect you. Be empowered by those already living liberated and surround yourself with the kinds of women (body/mind/soul) who you already are and want to be more of.
A little thing called Covid19
Lastly, we are living in unprecedented times. It has been almost two years since Covid19 turned our lives upside down. There is no road map or workout plan for a global pandemic, nor should there be. You have done your best through a genuinely scary, mysterious, and unique time.
It is not time to guilt yourself into anything; all you can do is take responsibility when you have the capacity to do so and otherwise find happiness and joy in the little things. Take off the pressure, and until this is over, remember that we are all in this together.