You kept ringing his phone but could not get an answer. He has been hiding his social media page without good reason. He will not engage with you in conversation and can barely look at you in the eye. Then you are hit with the evidence; he has been cheating. Whether you found out or he confessed, once the cheating has been established, is it more about self-worth, than it is about his guilt? Find the transparency within the problem. Do not be rash in actions, but make it your need to know whether it is an impulse or instinct? After the hurt sets in, how long will it stay with you and you with him? Let us pave the road before you take a step on a new path. Dealing with the nastier side of a relationship is never easy, but try to be understanding, open to trusting, and find out if it is worth the hard work ahead.
So, he has been cheating. Where do you go from here? Finding transparency when feelings are strange can be difficult, especially if you start blaming yourself. Sometimes it is worse if he feeds you the guilt of his own disappointments. Is it you in confinement or him? Let us get to the bottom.
- How you found out. If you caught him, you must insist he stop all communication with the other woman if he wants to repair the marriage. It will never work if there are any strings left dangling. Now, his outright confession can be somewhat honorable. It shows his guilt and the love he has for you still. Working it out can be kept on an honest level.
- Is it you, or is it him? Always find answers to why this happened. Was there something missing in your intimate connection, or has there been no intimacy? Maybe he thinks this can be tolerated like it was in his family. Maybe they feel lost in the marriage. Attention is needed and sometimes desired. Talking about it helps, but for others, the action is required!
- Where is your mind? Sometimes depression can make you do mysterious things. Has there been death with a family member or friend? Is one or more of you dealing with disorders: Anxiety, Bipolar, etc. Where are your priorities? Are you bored or unhappy? Ask yourself and your mate questions that may have led to a bad decision.
Being irrational is not going to solve anything; in fact, it will make things worse. Determine the nature of the situation before real decisions are made. Is this the first time? Will he do it again? Maybe your spouse has sex addictions you do not know about. Delve into the areas less explored, and you may find out another side to this complex issue.
- Was it impulse or instinct? The difference is, some impulses led to a sudden action of desire, but an instinct of innate nature can mean he will always feel that way whenever a beautiful woman walks by, a destructive pattern.
- Will you succumb to the arrogance of his cheating? Forgiving does not make you weak, but sometimes we can look the other way more than once. Maybe you have had some feeling that this has gone on for a while. The length of time will need to be discussed. How many times can also be a determining factor in this confusing state of affairs?
- Never give up because you did not try but do give ultimatums. If you are willing to fight for this marriage, you must give ultimatums, that is the only way to know if he is willing to fight too. Do not allow him to hang out with friends that encourage him for the wrong reasons. Checking in on his social media habits and set limits or conditions. Do not act like his mother, but do be aware. If, for any reason, this is too much to bear, then ask yourself if it is worth the fight to get things right.
The new path begins with you, and with your man if repairing the road works. Starting over again is not going to be easy, but it could be worth it. True love is hard to find, and it does not guarantee a perfect union on both parts, for that matter. There is nothing wrong with establishing your terms. So, at the end of the day will you stay, or will you go?
- Coping with the pain of infidelity. It is ok to be hurt and mad but do not get even. Talk with people you can trust and who will not judge the situation. Take time for yourself, and take things slow, do not be pressured in any way to make fast decisions. What consequences to come can never be expected, but love should always be there.
- Talk plans without demands. You may have been fooled, and that is not easy to overcome, but we must learn to let go. Nobody wants to be reminded of past deeds; in fact, the more we think about it, the worse it becomes. Talk to a counselor who can help you both deal with the right ways to communicate towards success.
- Can Trust be enough? Is it as simple as flipping on a light switch, and your future is bright again? Probably not, but it helps see the things you could not see before. The way you act, body langue, and what is in your eyes can say so much, so make sure you show the love you want to be reciprocated. You are great and confident, always know that so you can be that, with or without someone by your side.
Where you find a marriage after a wound has healed is a recovery zone. Scars are badges if the injury is not mortal. The support of your family and friends will always be a guiding light to the next chapter. Alone or together, do not be afraid to hold your head high. You did what you could, and this is not your fault, no matter the outcome. The future is in your sights, on your terms, and in your control to live and love again.
- Chapter 5: The Anatomy of Abstinence- Premarital Sex - July 8, 2020
- Chapter 4: Indiscretion Detention- How To Deal With A Cheating Husband - June 23, 2020
- Chapter 3: Love VS Lies: Who Plays A Bigger Role In Marriage? - June 13, 2020