HomeMarriageChapter 1: The Marriage Survival-list

Chapter 1: The Marriage Survival-list

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Healthy marriages are a testament to keeping love alive. Easier said than done in most cases. I’ll break down communication. Find your sex drive, check your pocketbook, and explain how to disagree with a smile. If there are children anywhere from two to twenty decorating the picture, we’ll learn to keep them out of earshot.

In these tips to a long healthy, loving marriage, I’ll give it to you straight, but remember the words of Samuel Butler, “The course of true anything never does run smooth.” So, let’s keep that in mind as we delve into my advice.

The enthusiasm for communication should never leave a relationship. Remember how easy it was for your young lover to gravel at your feet during a misunderstanding? 

  • Maintaining a connection with one another is like always making sure there’s gas in the car. Sometimes as we get older, we keep essential issues to ourselves. Connect daily, a quick check-in to make sure the flow is communal can’t hurt. 
  • Speak up! Unneeded tension can create resentment. I have learned always to speak up, even when you think they might know. Confronting an issue head-on may never seem easy, but denying yourself is worse. 
  • Never keep secrets, or ill feelings are hidden. If there’s a problem that has gone unsolved or you are looking for comfort in the wrong place, it’s a nail in the tire heading for a dangerous blowout. Talk about it, or you’ll be yelling about it in the end. 

My next topic might make some blush, but it’s a color which paints us human. Sex is more natural to define when your dating. In fact, besides protection, lust doesn’t need much effort. 

  • Desires can cradle our thoughts. As years proceed, and your lover is always near, our thoughts of desire sway towards our jobs or children. Once that starts to happen, problems are sure to arise. Keep longings sultry and solely for your partner.
  • The more sex, the better. Keep aspirations alive by changing things up. Try working out together; sometimes, a rapid heartbeat can pump some blood back into regions that are lacking. A surprising rubdown can be healthy; a massage to ease stressed shoulders or a nice foot rub can be sensual. The simple contact of touching one another can awaken lost yearnings. 
  • Address the elephant in the room if you find silence speaks louder than words. Being vocal is not comfortable, but letting your partner know what you need can be a revelation of good things to come. Could it be toys, games, videos, etc.? No matter what those needs might be, stay adventurous! Wink, wink.

When it comes to finances in your marriage, remember it’s not personal, it’s business! In relationships with co-workers, a certain level of emotion is always held back, but we’re still able to express with certainty our stance. 

  • When it comes to marriage, put your heads together. There’s nothing wrong with separate accounts, but it’s good to have one both can access. Never leave one partner holding the chequebook; that responsibility can lead to problems. Share the load equally, so everyone’s on the same page. 
  • Love may not pay the bills, but neither does fighting about them. I have always kept the attitude, “Money isn’t more important than the love we have.” Never get so involved within your money matters that feelings don’t matter. 
  • Learn to keep hasty reactions out. Trust that your partner knows what they’re doing. A common ground, a clear head, and a sense of comradery can break up any misunderstandings.  

Affection and arguments are both in the same category for me. I find that little quarrels can be healthy. A sharp look can always end with a smile. 

  • The tone of a voice says everything, so I’ve learned to speak in a calming pitch. Of course, when not heard we can get louder, a serious tenor, but yelling is a waste of time; nothing gets across when meanings get lost. Wait your turn, be heard, and get through the right way.
  • Somethings can’t always be solved, but don’t let a disagreement get the better of you. Giving into the wrong emotions can start a slow construction wall that may not be so easy to tear down. Be humble and willing to admit your mistakes; self-reproach isn’t a bad thing. 
  • Never go to bed, angry. Don’t stay mad at your partner because you never know what sub-conscious thoughts can lead you further away. Make sure you’re able to give a hug, a kiss, or a touch of affection no matter the tiff. Take a moment, take a hand, and keep in mind we all have feelings that need caress. You’ll be happier in the morning.

Regarding children, teens, or young adults, keep in mind one major thing, adult discussions are for adults, never bring your kids into the topic no matter what. 

  • What to say and when not to say it. Use your words wisely when out in the open. If you find extra ears are around, hold your tongue, and save it for another room. Control the atmosphere so your little stars can shed light on the mission at hand.
  • Always keep your spouse at the forefront. Although kids are very important to a marriage and an extension of that strong bond, always make sure your partner is number one. Don’t allow anything else to be more important than your spouse, or your foundation will dissolve. Remember, your fingers will always wiggle if you have a right and left hand.
  • You set the example. We’ll all oppose a view now and then, but it’s how we handle it when little eyes are watching that make all the difference. They learn how to deal with situations, so strong discussions that have to do with your honey or money should never be in front of your kids, little or big!

At Last!

I don’t have all the answers, but what I have is experience, and after 23 years of marriage, I have made plenty of mistakes. Nothing to be ashamed of but in everything to learn from. I have faith, love, and humour to get me through the years. Having a fifty-fifty attitude is always best; serve one another with respect, equality, and unconditional love and, when possible, go above and beyond.  

Read More: Chapter 2- The Dark Truth – Marital Sexual Abuse

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