Have you been wondering why your time on the best dating sites has not borne any solid fruits? The answer could very possibly lie in the secrets of emotional intelligence, which, unfortunately, many people lack.
Fact: low emotional intelligence and relationships do not go hand in hand. So if what you want is an intimate, successful relationship with your partner, you should strive towards gathering emotional intelligence skills.
That said, learning how to improve emotional intelligence means getting in touch with your most genuine emotions. This means learning how to:
- Perceive your emotions
- Understand your emotions
- Manage them successfully
But this is easier said than done merely because emotions are complex, and learning to manage them requires dedication and commitment to change. Nevertheless, it is not impossible to enhance your abilities; neither is it too late.
If anything, the ultimate form of living is enhancement. Think the likes of physical activity for mental well-being, but you are striving to enhance your emotional intelligence in this case. So check out these traits that you can use to date more intimately and maturely.
Learn To Perceive Your Emotions
What is the relationship between emotional intelligence and relationship conflicts? Well, conflicts in relationships happen because of the occurrence of negative emotions. Think about it this way: have you ever been mad at your partner because they made you happy? Highly unlikely. Instead, you never get angry or disappointed in a relationship unless it results in negative emotions. These can range from anger to hurt feelings. But what does emotional intelligence have to do with relationship conflicts?
The more emotionally intelligent you are, the easier it is to accept your emotions. For instance, if you are angry, it becomes easier for you to perceive and accept your anger. This, in turn, helps you respond to your emotions rather than react impulsively.
As a result, it becomes easier to control your behavior. Therefore, instead of saying hurtful things to your partner when they make you angry, you choose to take some time to yourself to cool off. Then when you approach your partner, you do so with a calm attitude instead of an irrational one.
With emotional intelligence, it becomes easier to handle conflicts rationally when you are in a relationship.
Know Your Thoughts
There is a compelling connection between your mind and your heart. Often, your emotions are triggered by your thoughts. For instance, you might be with your friends having a good time then you remember that your girlfriend is at a party with other guys.
Immediately after, you start to feel anxious. Why? The thought of your girlfriend surrounded by other men creates the fear that she might cheat on you or fall in love with someone better than you. This, in turn, causes your anxious emotions to surface.
So what do you do in such a case? First, you have to separate your thoughts from your emotions. For instance, in the example above, your anxiety does not prove that you are right. Instead, change how you think, and you will start to feel better.
Besides, this connection is why many life couch gurus advise people to always focus on positive thoughts.
Pay Attention With Emotional Intelligence
Emotions are inevitable for human beings. But how often do you pay attention to your feelings? How self-aware do you concern about your emotional bandwidth? Self-awareness is one primary factor that will help you understand your emotions better.
But you need to go beyond comprehending the type of emotion you are experiencing. This means going beyond feeling happy, sad, or afraid. It means understanding how your physical body reacts to your feelings.
Let’s use the example above. Once you realize the thought of rejection makes you anxious, don’t be quick to dismiss how you feel or change your thoughts. Instead, allow yourself to feel the anxiety through. As you sit and wait, watch how your physical body reacts to the anxious emotion.
The more you practice this, the more you will learn how to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. This brings us to the next trait.
The more you garner emotional intelligence, the easier it becomes to listen to your emotions. But as humans, we are taught to judge and seek validation for the way we feel. That is why your immediate response is to assume your spouse was cheating on you when the thought arises.
That is why emotional intelligence in relationships is critical because it brings objectivity to the emotional response. This means allowing yourself to sit still and listen to your emotions without making any irrational conclusions.
So instead of calling your girlfriend a cheater without any solid evidence, you choose to look for the root cause of your anxiety. Of course, you can only do this if you consider your emotions your messengers.
Understand The Message In Your Emotions
Now you are paying attention to your emotions and your thoughts. You are even taking the time to understand those emotions instead of rushing to conclusions. What happens next? A person that has long practiced emotional intelligence in their relationship will tell you to seek the root cause of your emotions.
Here’s why: Your emotions carry a message that you are yet to see about yourself or your partner. But in most cases, the message will reveal something about yourself that will help you improve your relationship intimacy.
Like in the example above, the feeling of anxiety could reveal that you have a fear of rejection. Again, understanding this helps to put the focus on your development rather than placing the blame on your innocent partner.
Related: Relationships Are Like A Beautiful Garden
Your Emotions Are Valid
No matter how negative they may seem, you are validated to feel the way you do. So what if you fear being rejected? That is your truth, and you should stand by it, not judge or become a stern critic of your emotions. The more you validate your feelings, the easier it becomes to accept them, allowing you to work on them.
Express Your Emotions
Once you’ve validated your emotions, start to express them in clear language. This means saying “I am afraid of rejection” and not “I feel anxious.” The more you are clear with how you feel, the easier it becomes to deal with it when in a relationship.
Be Compassionate to All
If you can face your emotions with emotional intelligence, you can be compassionate with others as well. Why? You now understand that negative emotions are not something to run away from but something to be validated.
Therefore, the next time someone tells you they feel anxious, you will not ask them to stop worrying. Instead, you’ll support them by letting them feel their emotions, offering validity for their anxiety, and helping them identify the root cause of their worry.
This level of understanding your emotions will breed more compassion and understanding.
Emotional intelligence and leadership work in tandem because they imbue self-awareness, effective communication, and self-management. By and large, the more emotionally intelligent you are, the better you will flourish at romantic, family, professional, or social relationships.
So, what other traits do you think to speak for emotional intelligence in relationships? If you have any, have they worked for you before?