You’re jealous. You’ve been jealous, you will be jealous, and you are jealous. All of us are.
We have been taught to think that jealousy is a “disease” that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and you don’t want to be caught dead hanging out with the green-eyed monster. But what if I told you that everything you think you know about jealousy is completely wrong? It is.
Comparison and competition come from the belief system, AKA the B.S., that there isn’t enough for everyone. “Oversaturation,” “overpopulation,” “scarcity,” “lack.” You can’t turn on a television or listen to a radio station without being fed how there is not enough, and you’re not enough. But “enough” shouldn’t even be up for discussion. YOU and everyone else is so much MORE than enough becomes a non-factor.
No one is you. And no matter how similar what you are offering is to the next person, your stories, your experience, and your heart compare to no one else. The same is true for everyone else.
When it comes to business and leadership, we have been trained to hustle. Being overworked and underpaid is the norm, you’re told not to bring your personal life to work, and our phone has us less connected to ourselves but more connected to ourselves than ever before. This imbalance in energy is not something to be proud of but something to be reconciled.
Social media has taught us to compare our “behind the scenes” to everyone else’s “highlight reel,” and we judge our day 1 to someone else’s day 100, truly not knowing what went on behind closed doors or what they had to experience (or no experience) to get there.
- Jealousy can be the healthiest and most expansive feeling in your life if you let it be.
- Jealousy is not an emotion to be ashamed of. It is an invitation.
- Jealousy is inviting you to look at something that someone else has. It’s showing you it’s available, it’s possible, and if they can do it, so can you.
Jealousy is revealing to you what you want, and when you know what you want, you are able to figure out how to get it. It offers a clarity that you may not have otherwise had. In some instances, it offers you the kick in the ass that you needed to get up and get it done.
If you find yourself jealous that a friend has hired the employee of her dreams, this is letting you know that this is something that you want. Since it’s possible for her and it’s a now reality, it’s the universe letting you know that it is also possible for you. Instead of spending your time figuring out how she got it, why she doesn’t deserve it, and how it should have been you, can you use this same energy to make the same an actual reality for you?
If you find yourself jealous that a friend just earned her dream client for what seemed like practically doing nothing, can you be excited at the possibility that the same is available? Can you experience a mindset shift that hustling and being all work no play isn’t a sustainable work strategy and that attracting clients isn’t something that only happens when you force, but always happens when you flow?
How to not be jealous of your friend’s success?
When I feel jealous, I write down what I’m feeling jealous about. For this example, I will say my best friend’s recent weight loss. Weight loss is what I see as a result. I will then write down what action she took to make that result happen. My friend lost weight because she ran five miles every day, reduced her caloric intake, and stayed committed to her nutrition. I can look at this list and see what action my intuition is actually asking me to take. If I want to achieve that same weight loss, I actually need to increase my discipline and decrease my excuses.
Our emotions are our body’s way of communicating with us. When we learn to listen to these inner promptings, we realize that it’s always about us. Jealousy can take us away and have us completely focused on the other person in a self-sabotaging way of thinking. When we take full responsibility for ourselves and use that same energy to focus on ourselves and what we can do to achieve the results that we really want, our life becomes one of collaboration instead of competition.
The invitation to inviting more expansion encourages us to ask for help, ask for advice, and strategize with others. This encourages the community and destroys the idea that you’re all on your own.
Allow jealousy to invite you to become the best version of yourself, and instead of being angry at the other person for “getting there first,” thank them for being the example you needed to know it was also possible for you.