Now more than ever, it is so important to teach women how to be more confident, how to feel more confident and smart. I always had an inner confidence. Ever since I was a little girl, I was always friendly, curious about others, open to trying new things, and always upbeat and smiling.
Anything that came my way was met with an inner knowing that I would be ok, and I could handle it. This sense of confidence is growing more and more rare.
We live in an incredibly codependent society. I find codependency is an epidemic, and in the past three decades, it has been taught. I struggled with codependency, and at age 44, I set out on a journey to heal and transform myself.
What follows are some things I did and continue to do to build confidence and smarts. These are a few of the many things I suggest my clients try. When they do these things, they begin to shift into feeling more confident and smart.
1. Talk to people
Understand that everything you want comes from another person. Smartphones have made us so reliant on technology. If we are lost, we immediately reach for our phones. If we have a question, we don’t ask a person; we Google it. The problem is that our interpersonal skills have suffered. As a Certified Professional Life Coach who helps Type A professionals who struggle with dating and relationships, I see many adults struggling with approaching a stranger to say hello and start a conversation.
I can see myself slip into my bubble of isolation. Earbuds in, listening to a podcast as I run errands, totally disconnected. I catch myself.
The exercise I give my clients is one I put into practice daily. I talk to 3 new people each day. I wave hello to people; I say hello to my neighbors. I chat with the grocery store clerk, the server at the restaurant. I talk to people, and it absolutely builds confidence.
Today more than ever, we must flex the muscle of interpersonal communication. We are texting, emailing, commenting on social media, and are not actually listening and speaking with clear intention. The more isolated and disconnected we are, the less confident we feel.
2. Get uncomfortable by trying new things
If the first suggestion above is triggering a sense of discomfort, all the more reason to push through. Feeling the fear, the uneasiness, and then doing it anyway builds confidence. Any time life presents me with something new to conquer. I ask myself to think of a time in the past where something similar happened.
I was born in 1971. I made a big long list of the things I had to try to then ultimately master. For example, driving a car was a new thing. Going to school, playing sports, taking tests, going off to college, applying for jobs, going on interviews, getting hired, falling in love, overcoming heartbreak, paying bills, and managing finances. My list went on and on and on.
Think of when you got your first smartphone, went away to college for the first time, started a new job, moved to a new home. You already had many, many firsts that were all met with resistance. There were fear and doubt. Think about all the times you wondered if you could do something, tried, and it worked out perfectly. Write down all the times you’ve achieved a favorable outcome when you’ve pushed through discomfort to achieve the greater result.
When I did this, I felt my confidence soar. I felt smart and capable.
3. Identify your gifts, talents, and the value you add to the various people and aspects of life
When we are little kids, we come to this planet without a doubt. We come with loads of curiosity. As soon as we start walking and exploring the adult protectors who mean well in trying to keep us safe, oftentimes dim our sparkle. They correct us when we are “being bad” or impose their beliefs about who they want to be in order to make them proud.
What makes you proud of yourself? When was the last time you spoke highly of your accomplishments and deeper than that, your essence; without being grandiose but with a healthy level of self-esteem.
Are you clear about the value you bring to the world and those in your immediate circles?
Doing some deep inventory around what your gifts and talents are, what you love about yourself is absolutely a way to generate self-confidence.
Whenever I do this, not only do I feel more confident, but I feel energized.
4. Set goals and achieve them
When you live life like a hamster on a wheel, confidence will wane. Living a boring, mundane, routine life destroys confidence and may even put you into a low energy sense of hopelessness and victimization.
When you set goals for each day and tackle projects one by one, the sense of accomplishment adds to one’s confident bank. Simple things like making the bed, doing dishes or cleaning, washing the car are small achievements that add up to more confidence.
Setting a more audacious goal and taking steps each day to move towards its achievement boosts confidence.
5. Connect to God or “Source Energy”
Unfortunately, God or faith in a higher power has been eliminated from society. Spirituality gets enmeshed in religion.
When we aren’t of faith, we feel alone doing for ourselves by ourselves. When we know, however, that we are eternally loved, divinely guided by God, then this is a never ending ocean of confidence. When we align with our divine inner Godforce, we realize nothing is impossible unless we deem it so.
When you know that a higher power loves and adores you, you confidently go through life with a sense of wellbeing.
These 5 things are a great way to step into confidence. As you do them, you will see who and what you manifest in your life will start to change for the better.