If you have ever looked at another woman and thought, “If only I had her confidence,” you are not alone. Perhaps it was the way she walked or talked—how she entered the room. She appeared to be saying all the right things, making eye contact, smiling, and laughing right on cue. And you wonder why this great fortune hasn’t been given to you. Oh, how they gravitate toward her and conversate with ease–no heart palpitations, dry throat, or buckling knees (at least not that you can see).
What IS her secret?
IT’S A STATE OF MIND
Everything–and I do mean EVERYTHING, starts in the mind. Before you take one step, before you say one word, your mind has decided the outcome. Its only job is to keep you safe, and if that means being shy and timid, so be it. No matter how smart you are, your mind can tell you differently. It will conjure up stories that simply aren’t true in an effort to protect you. Any real, long-term confidence must be developed. And the good news is, you already have everything it takes to make that happen. Here are a few proven steps you can start using TODAY!
1. Own your power
Now I realize that may sound a little cliché, but I promise you it is real and it works. First of all, in order to OWN your power, you must first admit that you HAVE power—tricky, right? And don’t tell me you don’t. You would not be reading this if you didn’t. You would not have gotten up this morning; raised children; worked a job; kept a relationship/family together; earned a degree or 2, maybe even 3 and the list goes on and on and on. So Step 1—OWN IT, ALL of it. As a matter of fact, make a list of all the powerful things you have done in your lifetime just up to this point as the undercover smart, confident woman. I’ve already given you a few examples, and you can add many, many more, I’m sure. This simple exercise takes your mind out of protection mode and sends it on a search for success. What we look for, we find. What we focus on expands. I doubt you have ever met anyone powerful that you did not consider confident as well. Reflect on that for a moment. Ladies! OWN–YOUR–POWER!!
2. Forgive yourself (and others)
Okay, I know that one caught you by surprise! But, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, confidence is an inside job. There can be no clarity where there is clutter. It is imperative to release any guilt, shame, or resentment you might be harboring. Clothes, make-up, and trendy haircuts are all nice and great mood boosters, but real confidence is not something you put on. It is something you embody. If you are carrying around that old, ragged baggage of not being good enough, cute enough, smart enough, or whatever enough, it can and will affect your confidence. Let it go and know you still have the opportunity to grow. Walk confidently in your imperfections. We all have them. And I promise you won’t have to fake it if you make it real. You cannot put a nice outfit over your obstacles and expect to feel smart and confident. It just does not work that way. So decide today what you will no longer allow to weigh you down. Confidence will come when you forgive yourself and clear the clutter.
3. Define & Claim
Oftentimes we don’t reach our goals in life because we have not clearly defined them. Now that you have owned your power and you have at least begun to forgive yourself, it is time to define what confidence means to you and simply claim it. How will you know whether or not you have acquired it? How will you measure your confidence? Are measurement and comparison beneficial or detrimental? Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that YOU are that smart, confident woman described at the beginning of this article. What do you see? How do you feel? Is it the way you walk and talk, or is it simply an awareness of who you are–from the inside out? Step into that assurance and let it wash over you–let it a breakthrough.
Keep in mind; confidence is continuing to improve while accepting yourself as you are. It is not needing the approval of others but walking boldly in our own authenticity. It is appreciating the differences and embracing the similarities. As long as you accept yourself as the smart, confident woman you are, the world will have no choice but to follow suit. Utilize the steps provided and hold your head high. We need more smart, confident women in our lives.
- 7 Habits of Highly Confident People - April 24, 2021
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- The Tenacity of the Tongue: 10 Tips To Tactfully Speak Up in the Workplace - November 16, 2020