Letting go of your marriage that once used to be an important part of your life can be a daunting process.
After all those years of investing yourself completely, mentally, physically, and emotionally to keep the relationship alive, just the thought of breaking all your ties with your spouse can shake you to the core of your heart.
However, it can also be the most rewarding experience when you get freedom from all the emotional burdens that you have been carrying all those years.
While going through the divorce, the struggle is not about breaking all the ties with the ex-spouse.
It’s about the memories that both of you shared, the future both of you have planned, and the kids both of you raised. Holding onto the past and the future can keep you stuck in the same position, and these are the two things that cannot change. You can only find true happiness in the present.
So how do you really move on from a divorce?
Start with a simple yet important task of decluttering your life from all the negative energies. Create a positive space for yourself and when you are ready to let go of the divorce, start making a healthier lifestyle.
Learn to reconnect and love yourself, and you will ultimately get what you deserve.
7 Tips to move on after divorce
1. Accept your feelings.
Any kind of healing process does not start until and unless you allow your feelings to surface. Even though it might feel uncomfortable to accept all the negative emotions, it is healthy to acknowledge them. Moving on after a divorce is not easy, and it won’t happen overnight. It is a process with different emotional stages. As you have acceptance of your feelings, you can join a divorce support group or find a professional therapist to talk about what happened in your marriage. You can even talk to a trusted friend to share your thoughts and feelings.
2. See the positive side.
Try and embrace the positive ways to love and take care of yourself. Keep in mind that there is no use in thinking about the things that you do not have and cannot do. Whenever you find you are having a negative feeling or are in a negative place, just take a step back and think of all the good things that you have in your life. To make this process easy, you can list down all the positive things you have in your life that you are grateful for and look at them whenever feeling low.
3. Clarify your responsibility.
A relationship to become healthy and grow requires a joint effort from both persons to be successful. On the contrary, a lack of responsibility from both sides results in a deadlock. Like in this case, going separate ways for good. The most important step in the process of letting go is to take ownership of your feelings and actions.
The more you will resent the change, the harder it will get to move on from your divorce. Let go of the past and gather insight into what you want and do not want for yourself. It is so much easier to put the blame on others and withdraw from responsibility. Hence you fail to see the truth and make that mistake again. Hence, facing personal challenges and struggles is very important to let go.
4. Do not drag your kids into the mess.
In a divorce, not only do the lives of the two partners get affected, but there are also kids whose lives totally change without even their consent. So for their sake, try to keep these things between you and your partner. Bad-mouthing about your partner to your children will not do any good. Instead, it will completely damage their relationship with you, not with any other. Try to explain to them whatever is going on rather than keeping them in total darkness.
5. Reinvent yourself.
Before your divorce, you and your spouse were like one entity in a partnership. In your entire marriage, you probably were identified just as a homemaker, bread-earner, spouse, or parent. You were never an individual in your marriage. And now, when your marriage is over, it is a great time to discover and reinvent yourself. Explore yourself and get occupied with something constructive. There might be many things that you have always wanted to do or see, but due to your marriage, you could not get the time. This is an excellent opportunity to fulfill all your wishes and identify your lost self.
6. Keep a journal and listen to spiritual stories.
Pen down your emotional struggles, and it may reduce your pain. Writing a journal provides a perspective in a clear and simple way. Journaling every day tracks your healing and makes the process of letting go somewhat easier. In addition to this, you can also try reading or listening to spiritual stories. These spiritual stories help make you feel more at peace with yourself. This is the best time when you can connect to yourself and God. Get in the habit of listening to the Holy Bible audiobook every day. This way, you will feel closer to the holy God.
7. Learn to love again.
The last but not the least step to move on from your divorce is to give love a second chance. Moving on from a divorce is a very difficult process. There will be many good and bad memories of your marriage that will torment you now and then. Changing the past is not an option for you, so accepting the reality and embracing the future is the only option to grow in your life. There will be many setbacks in your life, and to get demotivated by them is natural. You should always remind yourself that to move forward; one should take a step into the future.
Important things you should remember when moving on after divorce
- Feeling low is okay
Your partner was an integral part of your life, and to lose someone important is depressing and to feel sad about it is perfectly okay. Accepting your feelings and recognizing them is a part of the process.
- Grow out of it
We always learn from mistakes, and this makes us better in our life. Take your divorce as a learning experience and introspect all the mistakes you made in that relationship. Learn how to grow in your life by overcoming all those mistakes you made in your marriage.
- Everything will be okay.
Moving on from a divorce seems to be impossible, but eventually, everything will work out, and you will get through it. With time, you will heal, and things will get better.
- You are not alone in this.
Many people share the same feelings as you are after a divorce. Do not feel alone by thinking that no one will understand the pain you are going through. You can always join an emotional support group of divorced people where you can share your feelings without being judged.
In the end
Coming to terms with your failed marriage and acknowledging the reasons behind it make it easy for you to let go and move forward. Accept the fact that everyone is not perfect, they have their flaws, and your marriage has run its course.
If you believe in love, then you are bound to face heartbreak someday in your life. The important thing is that you have the courage to forgive yourself and move on in your life. Discovering how to let go and finding your individuality sets you free from the burden of divorce.
A failed marriage does not mean that you are not worthy of love, compassion, and joy. Reconnect with yourself, and this will give you the courage to live your best life.