HomeSex & RelationshipsDon’t Let Insecurity Kill Your Relationship

Don’t Let Insecurity Kill Your Relationship

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Insecurity is the secret killer of a relationship. Call it the law of attraction or rather repulsion in this case. Insecurity is a sure way to cause temporarily detrimental effects on a relationship. Self-worth is critical when it comes to both living the life you desire and when it comes to creating attraction. That’s not just sexual attraction but, in fact, all types of attraction. People are drawn to those who are grounded in who they are. Although insecurity can be a great way to get attention in short spurts, ultimately, self-worth shows up by admitting that you’re imperfect and figuring out a way to act in spite of it.

Nobody is perfect. We all have insecurity from time to time. Not only that, but we are all suffering to some degree from loneliness. Even when we are steadily in a long-term relationship, we often feel lonely, at least from time to time.

If you are someone who notices that you tend to feel insecure related to your partner’s commitment to you, simply surrender to that impulse. When you surrender to the experience of feeling out of control, you actually give yourself back control. It’s the opposite of what most people would expect. By understanding that you literally can’t own other people, you realize all you have is yourself to be in charge of. That simplifies all feelings of overwhelm or jealousy and is a powerful way to take back ownership of your self-worth. You are always enough – as you are.

As a human being, we have the terrible habit of questioning whether or not we are enough to “keep” someone impressed by us or happy with us. The truth is when it comes to relationships, you absolutely must trust. I have a saying I frequently say. “Don’t wonder if your partner loves you. Know they do.” There is nothing more to it than that.

If you have a partner who strays or loses interest in you, it is not a reflection of you. It is, in fact, a reflection of your partner and where they are personally. You cannot change what others need to go through. All you can do is show up and be you. When you give all you’ve got, grounded in the value you actually bring to the table, you will be doing all you need to do. The rest lies with destiny. But if you don’t show up as the best version of you, you will always wonder if it was your fault or fate, if something appears to end badly. Do yourself a favor, show up as you, and leave the rest to destiny. You’ll never wonder whether or not you had some say in the outcome.

Look, all of life is a ride. Why wouldn’t you want to embrace who you are? When it comes to relationships, your gifts lie in your ability to be authentic, your ability to listen, and your choice to stand by another person’s side. All humans could use someone by their side while they navigate the ups and downs, challenges, fears, joys, and successes of life. We all need someone. No one should have to go it alone.

It’s a bit of a joke around my household that I live in a state of arrogance about my relationship. That just means that I know I’m worthy of having an incredible partner, and ironically, I have an incredible partner. I never question whether or not I’m good enough for him. I know I am. He feels the same. In that, we release each other entirely to be ourselves fully without having to prove anything to each other. That is a beautiful place to live. Nurture your partner’s imperfections and remember more important to nurture your own.

You don’t need to become anyone. You are also not in competition with anyone as there is no one else in the world who can “do you” like “you do you”! Acceptance is so critical in a relationship as is kindness and generosity. When your partner is having a rough day, stand by them just like you’d desire them to do for you. It’s not personal. Just be there and remember others’ battles are not yours.

Everyone has to go through something at any given time. That’s called life.

Insecurity is a silly detrimental state which doesn’t ultimately serve anyone. No matter the story you’ve been telling yourself up until now, drop it and begin fully embracing who you are. The core of you is pure love and already houses everything needed to be exactly what others are looking for.

Make a choice for humanity. Embrace your own self-worth and begin living a life of contribution and generosity grounded in the most amazing version of you that deserves to be loved on. You are the person you’ve been looking for!

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Julieanne O’Connor
Julieanne O’Connor has had a colorful career path. From starring in a #1 hit Super Bowl commercial, to a TEDx talk, to hosting her own radio and YouTube shows, Julieanne’s greatest insights have admittedly come from the less glamourous moments in her life. Known for her candid approach to life and love, Julieanne O’Connor insists on saying what’s on her mind, and asking the questions that people never thought they’d be asked, regarding love and sex. The shocking consistency of answers in both private and public are the inspiration for Spelling It Out for Your Man.

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