The vision of the promise ring has been associated with “chastity,” a vow to be kept for your soul mate waiting till the day of wedded union. Some say fewer partners can be led to a long marriage with little chance of divorce. Promise rings may not have been around in my parent’s day of the late 1940’s, but they were not needed. At that time, premarital sex was looked down upon in shame. The pristine picture of a white gown walking down the aisle was not only an honor but meant you had been untouched a sustained virginal presence. Somewhere between the 1940’s and the 1960’s, that translation got lost between the generations. We were free to think about our bodies and life choices. So, in today’s age, premarital sex is just another term for options. Is there a right way, or is it just perspective?
Waiting till marriage used to mean something special. The belief that saving yourself drew together one of a kind lovers. Then again, did it make you always wonder if the grass was greener on the other side? That double-edged sword could not get any sharper!
- Virginal or delusional. To start your life with a partner, a pure experience with that person as the one, and only. A promise kept and an honor deemed. Whether parents, faith, or true self-worth has muddied the playing field, it is something that has lost its meaning somewhere under the influence of it all. What was once the only consideration generations past, is now a crazy thought.
- Do more partners mean divorce? Not necessarily, but the thought of what you might have missed can lead to a fatal curiosity. The ever-changing heart of Americans has ruled out passed generations myths. Sexual behaviors in the new millennium have brought more options, especially for women.
- Just us two is a nice thought. There was a sense of a greater expectation for those whose first encounter was the wedding night. It meant not having to use contraception and no unintended children out of wedlock. Thought that in today’s age of casual sex is no longer virginal. With hook-ups and dating apps the new normal, it really is a self-denying choice of romance and mystery, VS the pursuit of fast lust.
The part that faith plays is different in many cultures. The once trendy promise ring which came with moral obligations and the appeal of that desired new encounter awaiting. The esteemed sense of what you are meant for in God’s eyes. Is not saving yourself for your partner to make you a wicked person, and does it matter more than you think?
- What the Bible says is no slippery slope. Sex before marriage is a sin with no other way to look at it. Our bodies are temples and were meant to be respected, so no fornication allowed. Self-control is better than self-indulgence, even when fighting temptation is hard to overcome.
- Our religious outlook. Generally speaking, going to church every week and seeking that one partner does not guarantee fidelity or divorce is off the table, but the odds are certainly in your favor. No baggage, no sexually transmitted diseases, and simplicity. The taboo of carnal knowledge is the opening of pandora’s box, and we should be incredibly careful who we give the key to.
- Everybody wants a clean slate. Promiscuity is not always associated with long-lasting love, but it could give someone clarity in finding the right partner for marriage. Nowadays, we tend to marry later in life, always wanting to test drive the car before we buy it.
In today’s world, what is valued is not always the standard. We want fast coffee, speed dating, and doctors’ visits through a video call. Things are always evolving, whether for the better is still a question to be answered. In the age where innocence is no longer expected, and a wedded bliss can be a do-over, we have single-handedly made generations past values, left in the past.
- Racking up those notches. In recent years everything is in a hurry, even losing your virginity. From the 70’s through today is more about who you are dating rather than who you are going to marry. Our sex partners today have less chance of becoming our spouses than ever before.
- Is experience over innocence overrated? The wedding night used to be all about the first time, whether they knew what they were doing or not. It was magical to discover together the action of bodies for the first time. Then again, was it? What if they did not know what they were doing or how to please another? Finding out at the moment could lead to a disaster if you let it. Nobody is perfect, and one person’s pleasure is not always going to be another’s treasure, so it may not matter at all.
- Follow your heart, mind, and body. Love and even lust are what we make of it. Whether you listen to God, your parents, or the cosmos, you must make the decisions that are right for you in the end. No one can live the life you lead, and short of taking advice, the road you choose will have its consequences. Always make sure you are ready for what comes next.
So, who had it figured out, right? Your parent’s generation was all about legacy and honor. Perhaps divorce was less acceptable in those days, but many marriages were also unhappy and unhealthy. Today we are more about choices and freedom. Teenage sex has more pressure than ever before, but we also have more help and information available.
In most cases, we see what love and sex will be like before we tie the knot. Maybe it leads to more compatibility, fidelity, and a chance at a long-lasting union. In the end, does it really matter? It seems everyone may have their shortcomings; the best you can do is stay true to yourself, do not ever feel pressured, and make sure you have the last say in what comes first.
- Chapter 8: No Dirty Sheets- Sexless Marriage - August 10, 2020
- Chapter 7: Dirty Socks Start Fights- Child Custody - July 24, 2020
- Chapter 6: Leather or lace? Who Should Wear The Pants In Marriage - July 14, 2020