HomeSex & RelationshipsFeeling Unwanted? Here’s How to Silence Your Inner Critic

Feeling Unwanted? Here’s How to Silence Your Inner Critic

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Tanya lost her father when she was barely 14. She was very attached to him, and they had shared a great bond. He would not just pamper her but also guide her to become a better person.

He mentored her to work on her self-confidence. With him gone, she stopped being a #WIP and went on to withdraw into a shell. Tanya became a reserved person. She began to depend on external validation.

She went through toxic relationships. She felt unwanted. Nothing seemed to be worth it anymore. She lost hope. She went into depression. She eventually started hurting herself. 

Tanya finally started taking therapy sessions. Initially, she took no real interest. She went only because of her family. But gradually, she uncovered the concept of self-love. She learned the difference between weakness and vulnerability.

Being vulnerable was terrifying at first. But Tanya slowly learned to not just accept but even love herself. Sharing her thoughts became one of the most rewarding experiences in her life. Talking felt so liberating – it set her free.

Tanya started channelizing her energy into creating art. Her paintings were her mediums of expression. Her art opened her up to a lot of like-minded people. When she shared her vulnerabilities with them, they shared theirs.

She realized she was not alone in this world after all. There were so many beautiful people out there, flawed in their own ways but just perfect for her. All she had to do was reach out.

What is the voice inside your head saying?

Beautiful woman

A lot of images pass across our minds every minute – snippets from the past, conversations we had with our friends, lyrics from a song we heard, celebrity gossip we read, fantasies for the future. These cannot be termed thoughts. These are merely ‘mind chatter”. We have almost no control over the flow.

Thinking, on the other hand, is a conscious process. It is a focused activity that involves reasoning, using logic, planning, decision making, and so forth. Our rational thinking capabilities are what we pride ourselves in as it makes us, as a species, feel superior to animals. Surprisingly, sound rational thinking is quite hard to come by. We are often swayed and distracted by our mind’s small talk or chatter.

They are like our life’s tiny little judges who are constantly telling us what to do, what not to do, and most importantly, if what we did was right or wrong. Oftentimes, the comments are quite cynical and pessimistic at best and berating and rebuking at worst.

Think back to where these negative thoughts stemmed from. For, your life is driven by your belief system. In Tanya’s case, the negativity could be linked back to her father’s demise. It may not be that straightforward in everyone’s case. It may be more subtly intertwined with their experiences.

Our Belief System

Beliefs are opinions we formed based on our life experiences. They come from what you may have heard, seen, or experienced. They are neither true nor false; neither right nor wrong. They just are a part of who we are. How do your beliefs shape your reality? Just as a tree first spreads its roots and strengthens its base before bearing fruits, your mind has to first work on the roots in order to manifest positive results in reality. If the roots are full of negative thoughts, can we expect the fruits to be anything less than poison?

4 steps to remove negative thoughts

  • Awareness precedes change. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Try to process them.
  • Understanding the root cause (the mental pattern) from where it came.
  • Bypass the false self by unlearning – discard your rigid belief systems and rethink your strategy.
  • Learn about manifestation.

Process of manifestation

Process of manifestation

Once we develop the habit of allowing only positive inputs, such beliefs become our thought process. This thought process is nothing but our perception of the challenges we face. A mature understanding of our situation leads us to detach our thinking from our emotions. Once you are able to put your feelings aside and separate them from your thoughts, they will reflect in the actions you take. Making decisions becomes easy and straightforward. This will manifest as positive results in your life.

Try implementing the above steps and watch things miraculously fall into place. As wise men always say, life may not be smooth sailing sometimes. But stopping a problem for too long only makes us sink deep. Just close your eyes and float!

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Vasantha Sugavanam
Dr.Vasantha is a dental surgeon with 8 years of clinical experience. She graduated from The Oxford Dental College, Bangalore. She is an experienced data coordinator with a history of working in the health, wellness, and fitness industry. She is skilled in online content writing, headline writing, medical translation, and scientific writing. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her kids, gardening, and painting.

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