You and your spouse or partner have been together for some years. You’re starting to feel indifferent although you don’t fight, at least not often. You’ve lost sexual attraction to them, and being around them just isn’t fun anymore. Is this normal?
The problem is that you aren’t happy, although you wouldn’t say you’ve fallen out of love. You’re afraid to break it off, but staying in the relationship isn’t working either. Have you reached the point of no return? Is saving the relationship worth trying?
It’s complicated, we know. We’ll discuss the most common signs of boredom to differentiate it from other developments, give tips to reignite the passion, and ultimately, share what makes or breaks relationships, so you know if it really is time to move on.
What are The Signs of Boredom
Common signs you’re bored with each other include bickering, daydreaming about other people as potential partners, long periods of uncomfortable silence, and loss of attraction.
Arguing often over petty things, in particular, is a red flag. While some disagreement is normal, you might want to think about whether it’s sheer boredom that’s fueling your arguments.
-Daydreaming About Others
It’s also normal to get crushes on other people even though you’re in a committed relationship. This isn’t something to beat yourself up over. However, some people take it a step further. They daydream about sex with someone not only else but also about a relationship with them. Someone might even wish they were married to someone else. This is a common sign of boredom.
Silence doesn’t feel awkward when you’re close and comfortable with the person. If it’s starting to feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, it means you’re bored with the relationship. It’s not normal to have nothing to talk about during dinner and other mutual everyday activities.
This is the big one. At the beginning of a relationship, things can feel crazy, even out of control, but in a good way. The adrenaline is there. Your heart is racing. You want to be with them all the time. It all feels exciting and wonderful. This will continue for about another year to a year and a half on average, according to research. Studies show these passionate feelings begin to taper off after that time has passed.
In most cases, people don’t manage to maintain the urgent desire for one another that was there at the beginning. This is not out of the ordinary by any means. Everything is new and exciting at the beginning of a relationship. Passion is fueled by the fact that people are learning stimulating things about each other all the time. We also tend to idealize our partners in the early stages. With time, we remove the rose-colored glasses and start to see them the way they are, flaws and all. Sexual desire fades; the mystery and novelty wear off.
Normally, passionate love gives way to what we call companionship or companionate love. This is typified by friendship, kindness, and support. Your love life might get duller, and you might experience boredom. It’s not easy to say if this is just a passing phase or the novelty has given way to nothing better and longer-lasting. In the latter situation, the relationship is destined to fail.
Reigniting the Passion
One cannot argue that the elements of sexual desire, romance, and passion aren’t important in a relationship. Relationships typically aren’t about friendship only, even if we manage to change our expectations of how they have developed and how they will develop moving forward. By restoring arousal, mystery, and novelty to the relationship, it is possible to rekindle the passion that was once there. Here are some ways to do that.
States of increased arousal are transposed to the relationship and your partner. The key is to achieve an adrenaline rush. You could try something completely new and untypical in bed, such as using BDSM sets. You’re tricking yourself into believing your partner’s entirely responsible for any new and pleasurable sensations you experience.
– Do new Things Together
Your activities don’t have to be sexual. You could take a class together, go skiing, or visit a new bar. All of these can reintroduce the element of novelty to your relationship. Studies have shown that banal things like surprising someone with a ticket to a football match can reduce boredom and predictability. You can watch a horror movie, work out together, or go to an amusement park.
Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
The passion should come back assuming that you can overcome your differences and you trust and are compatible with one another. If you haven’t been able to reignite the passion, this question begs itself. The answer has to do with trust, compatibility, and how you handle conflict and stress. You should be able to deal with disagreements in a constructive way.
Do you believe your partner always has your best interests at heart? That they wouldn’t lie to you? That they are truthful and honest? If you answered yes to all of these, it’s safe to say you trust them.
Finally, compatibility has to do with having similar values, at least about important things like having a career or children as well as the importance of health and money management.
Setting the Right Expectations
Don’t expect fireworks all the time. Many girls were brought up with the image of the knight in shining armor who was there at their beck and call, providing excitement but also safety and comfort. He is a myth, and the sooner you banish it from your life, the better. Many guys expect the sex to be as great as it was in the beginning. A woman who’s a perpetual source of sexual satisfaction is a myth too.
It’s understandable that you want passion, but don’t assume the excitement and intensity will last forever. It’s perfectly normal for passion for fading over time. Thankfully, it is never too late to rediscover excitement and joy. You might struggle, but that’s perfectly normal too. Therapists are available to help couples overcome their emotional and intimacy issues.