Currently, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find couples who are in a healthy relationship. Society, especially parents, can really force us to commit at an early age, which results in unfortunate events.
Everyone is intrigued by the idea of maintaining a healthy relationship, but literally, no one knows how to work with it. Being influenced by Instagram couples and celebrity couples is a new mistake people make when comparing love lives and trying to be perfect.
Ironically, when they see these couples break up, they blame the actors and actresses or say this only happens in high-end families. No one tries to reach the root of the split, but all we do is ignore it so that it never happens to us.
Whether it’s an arranged marriage or a love marriage, if the two have nothing in common, they will fail at some point because, unlike before, no one is dependent on others today.
Today, I will share a truly personal incident from my life that had to break so-called cultural values in order to save one of my family from suffering for no reason.
The past year, I had the opportunity to visit my sister’s house in Delhi. Normally, before her marriage, she tended to be very outgoing, cheerful, and humorous, but I found that this time she wasn’t like her at all. After a formal discussion, I asked my sister if she wanted to go out with me for a walk.
As I was really bothered about the way she was behaving, I couldn’t keep it to myself and asked her, ‘Are you okay di?’ And the next moment she couldn’t hold back her tears and began to sob badly.
It was impossible for me to react properly; I could only think about setting her at ease.
A few seconds later she suppressed her crying and began speaking as if she hadn’t spoken for months. She told me everything about her marriage and the fact she was really unhappy in her relationship. What surprised me was that even my aunt was aware of all the struggles she was experiencing.
To clarify, she wasn’t physically abused, but she blamed her parents for this marriage failure more than anyone else. She had nothing in common with her husband. They rarely spent time or talked to each other, and never planned trips or vacations. He also accused her of not being able to get pregnant because she spent so much time with her mother. He never gifted her anything nor supported her emotionally.
She told me about her uncertainty as to why someone has to be so absorbed in their work and forget about other important parts of their life. I literally couldn’t say anything because I was dumbstruck. She was so used to this routine and literally stopped discussing this with anyone.
I’m not the smartest of them, but I could certainly feel the helplessness she had always felt. I went straight to her house and told my aunt about it. She had a really old-fashioned answer to this question. “This has never happened in their times,” she said. I couldn’t relate to her at all after hearing something like this.
I was trying to explain to my aunt that this is 2021, not the 80s and that women do not have to rely on their partners for their basic needs to live happily. She can literally buy everything for herself, as my sister has a job, a 2bhk apartment, why is she supposed to be mentally abused every day?
It was less of a problem for him since it was my sister, not him, who was emotionally invested. He was such an extremely selfish man, to be honest, that he ignored his own life partner.
I promised my sister to help her with all the decisions she will take to make her life easier and less stressful. I told her not to focus on the old norms of the 1960s when treating wives as objects were a part of the culture.
It took her a while to figure out the best decision for her and after consulting everyone, she was confident enough so decided to call it off and live on her own. Then, a few months later, she divorced him and gradually overcame the trauma she had endured for four years. And now she lives alone, shines in her career, and travels alone. I think she started to love her more than anyone else. I am very happy for her!
Ultimately, the most important lesson I have learned is that parents should stop marrying their children, especially girls, as they please. Money isn’t everything. A house can’t become a home without love among the people who live in it.
I’d never want something to happen like this to anyone and if you’re reading it and you are going through something like this even if you are dating, it’s time to take a step and start living for yourself. You don’t owe your happiness and mental peace to anyone but just you. Don’t be a victim to others’ expectations and take action for yourself; consult a professional marriage counselor if you are confused and unhappy with your marriage or your partner. After all, prevention is better than cure.
Have a happy life!