If your best friend recently got into a relationship, there are chances that with time passing, you are feeling more and more ignored and neglected by her.
Once upon a time, you were her top priority. You were the first one to know when she got a promotion or if she was having a breakdown or a shitty day at work. She randomly pinged you many times during the day and did not sleep without updating you about her day. She shared all her problems with you and considered you one of the most crucial advisors in her life.
But now that she has a special someone in her life, you no longer feel special. Now, she shares everything with him first and then with you. It seems as if you have taken the backseat.
After experiencing this for a while, you often get negative thoughts about your best friend, even though you do not intend to do that. Nothing feels good, and all that the heartbroken you can only think of is finding peace.
There may be times you may feel like breaking off the friendship with her, but don’t do that yet. We know it is hard to cope when your best friend suddenly changes after getting into a relationship. But before you make any hasty decisions, we suggest you go through the following tips that can help save your friendship.
Let her honeymoon phase get over.
If your friend has just begun dating, let her enjoy the honeymoon phase of her relationship. If you tell her anything hurtful during this period, mostly, she will misunderstand your feelings. She may find your behavior selfish, uncaring, and rude. Your feelings may be valid, but you must be the understanding one here. She is experiencing and dealing with many new emotions and changes all at once.
So, give her the space and time to get to know her new partner. Even if her talks are suddenly all about her boyfriend and their relationship, do not make her feel bad for sharing them. Be attentive, actively participate in knowing more, show your support, and express your happiness for her. Stay put and remember that it is all a part of the honeymoon phase, and once that settles down, you will get your old friend back!
Think of your current or past relationship
It’s easy to point fingers at others and accuse them of changing. But before you do that, pause and reflect on the beginning phase of your romantic relationship. You will come to realize that you were more or less the same as your friend is currently. Did she leave you back then, or was she supportive or give you time to adjust to your relationship? If the answer is the latter one, it is a quality to learn from her.
Be aware of other factors influencing your friend’s behavior.
Is it your friend’s first relationship? Has she been waiting to get into a relationship for a long time? Did she start dating at an older age? Did she have to face many rejections before finding the perfect match? Is she planning to settle down with her boyfriend soon? You need to ask yourself these questions to truly understand why the relationship is so important for your friend. Once you get the relevant answers, you will automatically stop thinking negatively and understand her feelings better.
Share your feelings with the trusted ones but never backbite.
If it is affecting you and consuming your headspace more than needed, share it with a few of your trusted ones for advice. However, remember never to badmouth your friend in front of others. It would be mean, and if nothing else, your friendship might just come to a bad end. Don’t forget that she or anyone else is not responsible for your feelings – only you are.
Focus on other friendships or make new ones.
At some point, you have to move on and talk to newer people. For how long can you keep waiting for your best friend to be like before? There are chances that it may never happen if she is committed to the relationship. Instead of waiting for the old times to return, explore new possibilities. Build stronger bonds with your other friends and spend more time with them. Friendships also take time to build, so you will have to put in the effort for it. If you cannot connect to any of your older friend circles, try to find new friends. Attend events to find like-minded people or join online communities – there are many ways to make new friends.
Explore something new.
Learn a new hobby, take up a new course or join a weekend class – the point is to keep yourself occupied. By focusing on yourself and loving yourself, these feelings won’t consume you as much. You can even try mindful exercises such as meditation and yoga to declutter your mind off the negativity. If you are happy with yourself, you will have the same feelings towards your friend too.
Have faith in your friendship
There are chances you may be overthinking about your friendship. Generally, we tend to exaggerate the negative experiences in our minds. But, refrain from making assumptions based on one or two such instances. Remind yourself of the good times in your friendship and trust your friend. Secondly, accept her as she is without expecting her to change for your sake.
But don’t let her cross the lines.
However, make sure she is not taking advantage of your goodness. You can make exceptions, but if the same thing repeats multiple times, you have to bring it to her notice. For instance, it is unacceptable if she has the habit of canceling plans with you at the last minute to meet up with her boyfriend. Or if she only talks about her boyfriend all the time without asking for your life updates, it is unfair. Inviting him to your plans without asking you – a strict no-no. These are personal choices, and they may be acceptable to some and not for others. But, tolerating toxic behavior for a long time can take a toll on your mental health. So, it is better to avoid that zone and speak up when required!
Have an honest conversation with her at the right time
If you feel you have given her enough time, but she is still neglecting you, talk to her about it face to face without blaming or accusing her. Tell her that you miss her and the time you both spent together. She may not be aware of her behavior and attempt to rectify it after you tell her. Don’t bottle up your feelings for too long as they may erupt one day, and your friendship may reach a point beyond repair.
Yes, seeing your friend with someone else produces mixed feelings. You are happy for her, but at the same time, you feel she no longer needs you in her life. You may be right or wrong about it. But, it’s worth a shot to give her and yourself some time to adapt to the change before ending years of happy friendship at one go.